The Long Road

France is part of the EU. Thus, they are certainly part of the EU’s act of legislation banning the import of Canadian seal products on the basis that commercial seal hunting, notably in Canada, is “inherently inhumane”.

You know, despite this bill’s potential hit to the Canadian economy (and perhaps identity), I have basically been on board with it. I mean, as a country, we can’t expect the French to get behind something that they deem to be “inhumane” right? None of us would. So good on ‘em…. right?

Well I thought so until recently, while in France,…

I saw THIS!

WTF? Seriously?

So clubbing seals is “inherently inhumane”, but clubbing orientals is openly advocated on the French streets? As a Chinese Canadian I have to say that I’m deeply troubled by the promotion of this kind of activity. I mean up until this moment, I felt pretty safe in France. Really, we saw none of the strife and violence that has plagued the country in recent memory. So I was literally walking the streets openly; sipping tasty french coffee at the cafés without a care in the world. Little did I know the peril I was putting myself into. Needless to say, I was WAY more cautious after viewing that poster. I even considered fleeing the country before things went from sweet to sour for me, and I wokked into some trouble.

In the end, I got outta there without incident. But not without being severely troubled by the whole situation. I can’t believe this has been allowed to go on unnoticed by activists ’round the world.

So I would like to use this forum to call for the immediate ban on certain French products, starting with French Fries. That should hit them where it hurts eh? Especially when you think about how many French Fries are consumed in Canada each day. Perhaps then they will start to think twice about this activity. Are you with me people? No more French Fries! And if that doesn’t work (though how could it not!?), I say we ban berets next. That should cripple their economy, leaving them little choice but to come to us begging for our mercy! Ha, they’d probably start asking us to ramp up the seal hunt and send extra seal pelts to them so they can create seal skin berets! I seriously don’t think they know who they are dealing with here.

** UPDATED**

Um… OK, perhaps I got this a little wrong. Thanks to all of you who have written me to let me know that this “Oriental Clubbing” thing is just some kinda craze or something at the Discotheques. Wow, um, who knew?

And yes, I also NOW know that French Fries are a bit of misnomer and that they were invented by the fine folks over at McCain Foods. Well, at least the beret is a French invention!

**UPDATED AGAIN**

Thanks to all of you who emailed me to let me know that in fact the beret really has Basque origins. I mean, come on, a good part of Basque territory is in modern day France! Give me a break here people!

**Updated**

Many of the autos here in France seem to run on Gazole (Gas and Oil…aka diesel). This seems to be pretty good on the efficiency front as Glenn’s car is getting well over 700 kms per tank. Nice. Not nice in that demand seems to be high. Mich and I pulled into an Esso station (L’Esso?) only to find a little paper sign over the yellow gas gun saying “Gazole de pannes”. The attendant informed Mich that perhaps they’d have some in the morning… or the afternoon maybe… he wasn’t really sure. The problem was that the boat didn’t come in. Hmmm. I think I may have seen a similar sign at another station at some point. You may be asking at the point “what’s the big deal?” Really, on it’s own it wouldn’t be. But we were on the ODYSSEY DE GAZOLE!

I should explain. When we took the car today, Glenn’s only requirement for us was that we got some gazole. We were pretty low, about 1/4 tank. Again, you’re asking “what’s the big deal?”. The problem seems to be that a lot of stations will ONLY accept credit cards. Unfortunately that means Glenn’s may work at some stations, mine at none so far. Other stations accept cash, but ONLY at the times when there is an attendant in the little booth. These times seem to be few and far between (no matter what the sign may say).

So… we were low on fuel, and we had a plan of attack. Go check out a few cool sites, zip in to the Carrefour and get gazole and groceries. Then see the new Harry Potter flick. Good plan.

All went well with the tour. We had a really great time. Then things took a turn for the worst. Our camera battery quit quite suddenly. We were about done for pics anyway, so not a biggie. Next however we had trouble actually finding the Carrefour, site of gazole, groceries and the movie theatre. Eventually we did get there… only to find that the gas attendant was nowhere in site. Hmmm. No gazole for us! OK, we’ll get the supplies. Oh, Carrefour is NOT open at all today. Hmmm. No groceries. Now what. Well, howz about a quick bite and then off to the flick. The ONLy thing around is a McDonalds. So we make the ultimate sacrifice and go to Micky D’s. Off to the theater for the new Harry Potter!!

Upon arrival at the box office my first question is “Is the film Harry Potter in English or French?” You know what the answer was don’t you? “En Francais.”

Wow. Now not only are we now heading home with none of the tasks accomplished, but we can’t even go out for a nice dinner with our extra time as we bolted down the McD’s. Morale was low to say the least.

There was one last chance to redeem the situation; get gazole on the way home in Estagel. Remember le afformentioned Esso station? Yeah, that was the one in Estagel. So needless to say, we came home with a pretty empty tank. Glenn was forgiving as he’s had a less than smooth ride getting fuel too.

Hopefully that boat gets in tomorrow.

Update!

Glenn and I were able to fuel up. Of course we did it in a way that is consistent with the feel of “L’Odyssey de Gazole”…. See pics below…

That’s us at the end of the line

Nice glove Glenny!

…that it’s all my fault for buying a Subaru. Sorry everyone.

OK, so… what would it be like if Barry White was a couple of white boys from New Zealand?

…it’d be like Flight of the Conchords.

Now I have to go watch more of these guys on YouTube.

He calls himself Louis C.K. and he’s a standup. I like what he’s on about.

Recently Noel Gallagher was attacked on stage at an Oasis show in Toronto. He kinda got blindsided. Too bad. If he had seen it coming and had been all rock ‘n roll kick ass like Keef, he’d have done this:

Oh well, I guess they don’t make ‘em like they used to.

…on so many levels. This is social commentary at its finest. Sorry about the ad at the end. Hmmmmm.

New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less

OK, the days are getting longer, the flowers are coming up, the city is sweeping streets and filling potholes. I was working in the yard this evening with shorts and a T-shirt on. What does this mean? Well, as it does every year after making us wait just a little too long, spring has arrived! And as people seem to come out of hibernation, so apparently does the Northern Flicker. Not so long ago Mich and I awoke at 6:28 to a horrible rattling in the house. I leapt out of bed to investigate. The rattling continued periodically every 20-40 seconds or so, lasting for no more than one second each time. I traced it to the hot water heater. Not good news. Before each jackhammer rattle there was a curious sound not unlike some kind of electric switch clicking. I’m thinking the thing is gonna explode at any time. I muddle around it for a bit and get it turned off. As I turn the dial down to “pilot light” the rattling ends. It doesn’t come back. Not even when I turn it all back on.

This repeats the next two mornings, at EXACTLY the same time (6:28 am) though I wasn’t able to fix it quite as fast the next morning as it went for 40 minutes before stopping.

I hit the internet. I hit the books. I make calls. Nothing. Nobody thinks it makes any sense. Perhaps because it doesn’t.

After three consecutive mornings, the problem solves itself and goes away. I like it when that happens.

Tod and Heidi were over a few nights later and suggested that it could be a Flicker. No chance of that I thought as there was that curious ticking, clicking switch sound just before the hammer sound each time. Birds have no switches. A few days later, and after discussing it with a couple of my classes I started to reconsider. Then one week from the first instance it happened again! 6:18 am this time. A little earlier. Hmmm.

I jumped outta bed and went outside. Though I could see nothing, by 6:25 I was on top of my roof investigating. My students think I was up there with my fuzzy rabbit slippers on, but that MIGHT be because I lied to them about that detail. Anyway. No bird. No nest. No scratches or dents in the metal of the chimney that vents the hot water heater. Nothing. Well, nothing, save the fresh bird poop on top. We are onto something with this bird theory.

A few mornings later our friend visited again (about 6:15 am - days are getting longer!). This time I snuck out and shot him!… … with my camera. See him below in his noisy glory. After getting the evidence I chased him off. Hopefully he feels unwelcome here now.

How do I know he’s a “he”? Markings for one. But otherwise it’s his behaviour that betrays his gender. Apparently male Northern Flickers like to find metal stuff to hammer on because females think it’s sexy! The chimney is awesome because it resonates so well. I suggested to my male grade 10 students that they perhaps try Mr. Flicker’s method. They promised to try it.

Anyway, I wish him best of luck, but hopefully he finds somewhere else to woo chicks! Or at least I hope he finds one soon!

OK, I know this is an advert, but it makes me smile…

This is awesome, dark and funny all at the same time. What would Trent Reznor think?
Watch at risk of having to grow up and lose your innocence forever!

**UPDATED MARCH 29**

Video Removed. Actually, upon a second viewing, this vid is darker and more disturbing than I saw on my first viewing - apparently I looked away a few times and missed a few things. If you still wanna see it (and lots of you will), click here.

YouTube is just the best thing.

Oh, people do have too much time on their hands don’t they?

Ever wonder if Marty McFly could take Bill S. Preston Esquire or Ted “Theodore” Logan? Or if Wyld Stallyns played better than McFly covering Chuck Berry? Well neither did I… until now! I came across this cool little head to head battle between Back to the Future and Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

Now without giving away the author’s conclusions before you read them, you should know that he is dead wrong (but I’m a little biased)

Read it here now.

Something is kinda “F’d” on our blog. Those of you using Firefox might be seeing some strange formatting here on The Long Road. I have no idea why!!! I’m actually using IE to blog until I figure out what’s going on. So I’m sorry… Anyway, I’m getting frustrated, and hearing the Darth Vader theme in my head when blogging now… the dark side of the force is certainly at work here, and it’s strong!

Salmonella in Chocolate
Botulism in Carrot Juice and Crab Cakes
Boil Water Advisory in Vancouver
E. Coli in Spinach

You can never be too careful! That’s why here at The Long Road we are ALWAYS fat free, no cholesterol, preservative free, no MSG, free range, free run, organic, high in fibre, low in sodium (come on, you need some salt!), hypoallergenic, phosphate free, sweetened with honey or fruit juice, but never artificial sweeteners, unscented, locally owned and operated, fairly traded, green, and low in emissions. Plus now you get 33% more for the regular price and we use less packaging. Who loves ya?

Apparently not much! After replacing the tap and drain system on our bathroom sink, and feeling pretty proud of myself for such a pro job, I soon found myself all wet! Doh! Stupid hard-to-work-with-pedestal sink! Hmmmm. Well, I had to do the drain assembly again, and this time we’re good to go. It looked so easy…

’nuff said.

Not really in the Easter spirit I admit, and you’ve probably seen it on your email already, but hey, it’s funny.
We are off to Revelstoke to enjoy the hospitality of some old friends Rory and Sarah whom we met in Fort St. James (and rented their house for a year while they travelled the world), and the company of other old friends Jacqui and Glenn also of FSJ (now Victoria). Then we return to round out the weekend with some skiing! The last days of the season are upon us. We will enjoy the slopes with Kath and Simon, up from the lower mainland. Somewhere along the line we’ll rustle up some turkey too!!

You all know that I just LOVE Star Wars stuff.